Keepin' It Real

Sometimes I don't get a day's worth of work done in a week. 

Other times I get a week's worth of work done in a day...like today. 

How ever life lands, I've often felt weighed in the balance and found wanting...by myself and others. How about you?


As a recovering procrastinator, I've spent most of my life with a non-task orientation, given to long stretches of living outside any list, and excelling at general dilly dallying, but one can't entirely muzzle one's pesky firstborn responsibility gene forever. 

Speaking of which, I often dream of retiring from being firstborn. 

Then again, I often dream of retiring from adulthood. 

In a particularly whiny moment I began an email to my siblings offering one of them first dibs on firstborn before I posted the job and hired from the outside. Well, of course I deleted it before hitting send once I'd vented and re-dedicated my life to wearing big girl pants. 

Sigh...

Am I conflicted? Yes. Daily. 

Do I often wish that I was someone else? Someone more efficient and driven? Yes. 
Yes I do. 

Do I know that comparison is a joy killer? Only too well. 

I've spent a lifetime working new habits into my life; ways of doing things that work for me. They streamline as often as they trick me into accomplishing more. (Tricking yourself into getting things done is good practice for parenting.) I manage my time and my life way better than my 20-something self and, truth be told, there are many grownup tasks that I've learned to enjoy or at least not lose sleep over.   

But through those same precious decades I've also wasted a lot of energy comparing myself to other women who are stronger, faster, and able leap tall buildings in a single bound. You know the ones I mean. Those other women. They look like Super-women and surely if I only tried harder I could be super too. 

You been there?

Yeah...I go there way too quickly. But I'm learning. One thing I see clearly is that I love my jeans and cozy cardigans way too much to trade them in for spandex and a cape. I am me, not [various unnamed women I admire] and at two score and twelve, I need to choose more wisely between investing and wasting...energy, time, thought, breath.

Life is too short. Besides, I rather enjoy my kid-at-heart tendencies, even when they're clumsily tripping over my inner-firstborn.

It seems I may be finally growing into my thumb print of a life and it's about time. There's no one else like me...or you. We're all one of a kind with a one of a kind purpose. (Ephesians 2:10) And don't even think about declaring any thumb wars on me.  
I probably already think you're way beyond cool and I've got no time for girl drama. 

I'm not the strongest or the fastest, but who's comparing? (smile) I may not be able to leap over a pile of shoes in a single bound, but somehow when the dust settles there's still coffee and prayer and clean laundry and laughter and writing and groceries and reading and weeding and taxiing and friends and dates and chores and, most of the time, there's dinner. 

Bottom line, somehow it all works out...even with a little extra dilly in my dally.


My favorite goals are hard to quantify anyway: Live each day as a worshiper of God. 
Be thankful, prone to love, and just a little wiser than the day before.  

#lifeaccounting #keepinitreal

Knees Bent

Do you have anyone in your life who seems to just be able to read you? The one who, no matter how "fine" you answer the "how are you?" question, squints her soul-eyes and digs a little deeper. 

"How are you really? ... What's going on?"

I have such a friend. She has been God's gift to me the past few years whenever I've attempted to move through life with my purposely evasive "happy face." Though I know better, I still find myself hiding behind a veneer at times. 

In loving and wise response, the Lord sent me a precious friend with compassionate and probing eyes - that truly sparkle when she smiles - to prod me out of my laminate life when I least expect it. 

I've come to recognize that seeing me is His gifting in her, therefore I now trust being seen. And I've learned to love this about her and about our encounters. So as we caught up via text today and planned a coffee date, something I shared struck me at a deeper level. 

Let me back up a little... 

Last night around dinner time the buzz on my phone came with the tell-tale question: "How are you?" Not able to respond till this morning, I started "thumbing" this reply and was caught up short even as I texted:

"I'm doing fine. Still finding my sea legs with life's changes and finding that knees bent..." 

Wait... Hmm... I continued: 

"...knees bent is more than just a way to not lose your balance." 

Knees bent. I picture this posture when I remember endless volleyball drills in high school. Being at the ready...prepared to move to the ball in any direction. I see this stance when I imagine a surfer absorbing the movement of a wave or a sailor remaining aright in choppy seas, thus the term sea legs. 

But even as I texted knees bent, my mind flashed to someone kneeling at prayer. "On bended knee..." Such an iconic image. This is what stopped me mid-text. The Lord spoke in that flash of a thought: 

"You will keep your balance as you come to Me with knees bent...in prayer. I am your sea legs." Selah was certainly implied.


So, now I'm resting awhile upon this thought. Mulling it. And sharing it...

If life is knocking you around, friend...bend your knees. 
If all is dizzying uncertainty...bend your knees.
Bound by sin? Bend your knees. 
Too exhausted to stand? Don't. Fall to your knees...fall in His arms. 

But must I kneel to pray? 

While kneeling is a wonderful prayer posture, it is not the only way to pray. To me, kneeling is often more of a heart posture. Come in humility. Bow your heart. Come as you are and where you are: standing at your sink full of dishes or in the refuge of the shower, sitting in traffic or in the quiet blessing of morning or late evening hours. Mid-day. Mid-text...

Jesus beckons, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." So come to Him with heart bowed, hands open in surrender... 

"I can't do this."

And as you lean into Him, He'll whisper, "I know. But I can... I will."

The words of of the Lord in Isaiah 30:15 ring true to me again today as they have so many times before, "In repentance and rest you will be saved, 
                                            In quietness and trust is your strength."  

Prayer. Knees bent... Come to Him in prayer. Often and always. Breathe in life and grace, strength and comfort. Then stand and find your balance in Him.

*       *       *       *       *       *       * 

Thank you sweet "how are you?" friend, and thank you, Jesus, for sisters who are Your hands and feet to draw me out from my veneer and back to You...to vulnerability and truth.

Now I come, with knees bent...