What I Did the Week After My Vacation

I was just thinking about those silly little essays that kids often have to write at the beginning of the school year: What I Did On My Summer Vacation. Since I wrote an almost daily essay chronicling my adventure in Croatia with my mom, you'd think that life after traveling would leave little else to say. But I must say that my first week back has been much more jam packed. 

You see, months before I ever consented to flying halfway across the world with my mom, I was an automatic sign-up for the Mandy and Keith wedding team. Mandy's mom, and my dear friend, Heather, has been behind the scenes on all my kid's weddings in one capacity or another - rehearsal dinners, kitchen queen (aka: the one in charge of all things food), maker of delicious wedding dainties, assistant food planner, and the "just give me the cash and I'll do all your food shopping" lady. More importantly, she has been a loyal friend and fellow Thursday morning prayer partner for the past 17 years or so. She has prayed diligently for all my kids and prayed me through all those weddings, and more.

To say that I owed her one sounds much too flippant and unfeeling. Friends don't keep track of what is owed. Friends are just there for one another, unconditionally. I love her. I love Mandy. Love is an action, so count me in! Yes, I will be the wedding coordinator, and, yes, I will come alongside Mandy and Heather in finishing the planning. The fact that the wedding was to be four days after I arrived home from a three week trip overseas did have me considering hyperventilating a few times, but despite my inner wimpiness, I find that I must keep going back to the "trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding" thing. I like that promise of Him making all my paths straight and I never cease to be amazed at how He does it each time. 

So, Tuesday night found me back home enjoying my family...including my one and only grand daughter, who is twenty times cuter in person than on Skype. Holy moly! It was so good to see everyone and so great to be home.

Wednesday consisted of unpacking, hanging out with Jill and Cadence, doing laundry, making lists, and phone calls to Heather, Mandy, and others, to start to get my ducks in a row for the fast arriving nuptials.

Thursday had Jillian waking up feeling ill - because she's pregnant!! - me driving down the way to prayer with Heather and our friend Diana, then running back home to get Jillian something, then back to prayer...where more things were hammered out and lifted up, taking care of baby so Jillian could rest, a last minute meeting with Mandy and Keith to go over the wedding and reception itinerary and to tidy up some last minute details, come home, make dinner, take care of baby and Jill, and go to bed.

Friday I'm tired, but up with baby. Jillian had felt sick in the night and I'd been up with her off and on. Baby's nap time meant typing up the itinerary for the wedding and reception and preparing to run the wedding rehearsal which was to be an hour away in a little stone church in the quaint little Palouse town of Pine City. Jillian finally started feeling a little better, so as she was to be a bridesmaid, we headed out through the rolling fields of wheat and made it through the rehearsal, which went quite well. We then joined everyone for a rehearsal dessert in downtown Spokane. Jilly didn't feel too great that evening and we spent another night of interrupted sleep.

Saturday morning already showed promise of the ninety degree day that it would be. I got up, took care of baby, and let Jillian sleep as long as possible. After picking up some other friends who were riding down to help with the festivities, I came by and got Jillian. We arrived in Pine City about 1:20pm. Jillian joined the girls to prepare for photos and I jumped in and helped finish the lovely outdoor "church picnic in the pines" reception set up. Thank goodness for many helping hands! It was hot, hot, hot! Finally came time to line up our bridal party and get the show on the road. The music began and we were off! How grateful we all were for that cool little stone church! The wedding was beautiful and I relished my front row seat where I could see Mandy's lovely smile through the whole ceremony. Soon we were all filing out for dinner and dessert in the field right next to the church. After a fun time of food and fellowship, we saw the bride and groom off through showers of birdseed and began our clean up. Jillian caught a ride home with friends and the rest of us - family and friends - got the wedding packed up. I was home by 9:30 feeling tired and sore, but quite blessed by the Lord's provision for the day and all who came to celebrate. 

Sunday morning Jillian still was not feeling well, so she and Jake decided to postpone her return flight for a week. We were all pretty exhausted, so we laid low till the afternoon, then I took Jill into the ER. They filled her with fluids, ran tests, found that she was fighting an infection - in addition to being morning sick - and sent us home with some prescriptions. Not knowing what was up, we had also decided earlier that day that I would accompany Jill and Cadence home that next week. Even with a week to recover it did not seem wise to send her flying with the baby alone. So I will be leaving with her on Oct 3rd and stay for two weeks...missing Monica and Danny's departure to Medford. That was cause for some shedding of tears all around, but we worked through it. As I recently posted on Facebook, "life truly is what happens when you have other plans."

Monday we had one appointment then Jill laid low. There were also errands to run and dinner to make and baby to watch. Jill's meds were making her feel weird, so we had another night of not so much sleep.

That brings us to Tuesday. Jill  was still not 100%, more errands to run, and an important date with lovely Nancy who is moving to California on Friday. Danny came to help take care of Cadence and Jill, and Monica and I set out on the errands and met Nancy for a much awaited last visit at the Maple Street Bistro. Good times! Swinging by Rosauers for a rotisserie chicken and a few other supplies, we made it home and got dinner together. Add a lovely surprise visit from cousin BJ, a bath for baby, getting Jill off to bed with a prayer for healing, doing up the dishes, making Ty's lunch for tomorrow, and I was pooped. I went to bed early and was awakened once again to Jill's text that she needed help. Finally got some nausea meds in her and we both got back to sleep around 2:30am.

Wednesday morning, I escaped with the help of Auntie Monica and Uncle Danny, and went downtown to get my hair done. It was a nice and needed break. Returning home, I helped Jillian get ready and we headed off the the ER again. There must be something they could do to help her a bit more with the nausea or we were not going to be able to leave for Florida next Monday! The Lord had all that covered! We saw the same admitting person as on Sunday, a pregnant woman who had suffered miserably from morning sickness too. She promptly wheeled Jillian into the ER and went herself to find the same ARNP that we'd had on Sunday. Such a blessing! We were there an awfully long time, but everyone was so good to us. Results of that visit? One less medication to take that would bother her stomach, an additional one for the nausea, AND she got to have an ultrasound and see little baby Bragg's heart beating...I did too! Jillian had a much better night last night so we both got more rest.

Now it's Thursday. I awoke early to get dressed before Miss Cadence arose. We had a fun breakfast together, then woke up "mom" for her meds and got her to come on out to the living room to "play" from the sofa. I was able to bop down to my friend Diana's for our Thursday prayer and fellowship time. Such a blessing! Dropped Jillian off for a massage, which she was thankfully feeling well enough for, went to an appointment with Ty, then home for a quick lunch. Because Jillian was feeling better, and because Danny was willing to stick around and hang with the girls again, Monica and I were able to have our promised coffee date (that we were supposed to have yesterday), probably our last one before I leave for Florida and she leaves for Medford. Golly, I love that girl...I mean, woman! What a joy to see what the Lord has done and is doing in her life. 

It has been a full day, and a very full week-plus-a-few-days, since I returned from my European adventure. If I had jet lag at all this week it was masked by all the activity and the continued lack of sleep. There are a few more days till I'm off again. I have no idea what to think of all this, so I'm just bending with it and feeling very thankful for God's covering, even while being close to tears at times. Haha! That has been my life for at least the past three years...probably more. Isn't that the story of all of us itinerate mom/wife/friends? Different circumstances, but always the need to trust, the need to cry and cry out, and the need to cultivate thankfulness through it all. So what did I do the week after my vacation? I tried to be obedient to whatever the Lord put in my path. And He has been faithful to hold me close. It has been a good week.

The day after the wedding...

I always love the day after the wedding. As morning chases away dreamland, memories begin dancing - the way she looked, his smiling face, heartfelt vows and toasts, "family" by the hundreds, and so many loving, helping hands. These are the things that keep me going when wedding planning hits that midway point, maybe frustrations have arisen, and inevitably I'm feeling buried under that relentless wedding list. I remind myself of the incredible joy of seeing it all unfold. I can plan and work out the details of logistics, food, and decorations, but it's the intangibles that never cease to bring surprise and such great joy. 

The sense of love and fellowship that make, in this case, over 300 people seem like a close family gathering, music that expresses the couples heart, the blessing of a pastor's personal words, vows tenderly spoken, and all of it testifying to the fact that there was another Hand at work in the wedding planning. He is the Lord of the wedding feast. And I bow to Him today and thank Him for the richness of life in Him, for strength and provision, for food and dancing and laughter. 

As Ty shared with Danny and Monica last night, "Is marriage hard? Yes! Is it worth it? Absolutely!" And so too, for me, was the journey of planning this, my last child's wedding. Very hard at times, exhausting often, but so worth every errand run, every phone call made, every yard of fabric cut and flower purchased. Thank you, Lord, for Your master plan. I always pray that the Holy Spirit will be the defining adornment of my kids' weddings. And I do love the anticipation of seeing just how He will show up "this time." He was so present last night and wrote a new song in my heart, so I think I'll go dance in those memories just a little longer.

Midnight Musings: Ten days to go

Somehow amidst the chaos, and to do lists, and boxes of wedding whatnots piled high, I am at peace. It is both strange and wonderful. I remember not long ago when assembling wedding invitations stretched from a one week project into three, with a myriad of technical difficulties, how the Lord provided strength, encouragement, and solutions, for I was anything but peaceful. Tired, frustrated, and done...tears came easily in those moments of exhaustion. All that was within me longed to just bail, stop the presses, run away. But there were these little titans called love and commitment. Such trite words in this society of disposable everything. Yet, to me, huge words with huge implications. Beacons. Lights that would not be snuffed out despite my gloominess. And in reality, a strength from within that has nothing to do with me and everything to do with my Lord, my Savior, my Jesus. I take it for granted - in the best of ways - that He will be with me, lead me, carry me. He always has and He always will. To me, this is abiding. Exercising the reality of His sovereignty and His power by continuing to walk, by choosing to train my mind back to truth, by believing on Him for every good and perfect gift...no matter how it's wrapped. 

Now we're ten days away from a wedding that is stretching my mind and my creativity, even as it's stretching toward 350 guests. Oh mylanta! Or, as my buffet coordinator said, "My you girls sure know how to throw a party!" The other day I asked the happy couple why they couldn't have been a bit more annoying or unlikeable. What's with all the friends? That's what I get for having the belief that weddings should include as many friends and family as possible. And despite wondering how we'll accommodate everyone, I am thrilled to share this celebration with so many others who love Danny and Monica. The Lord has been providing all along and I know His resources are endless. So the theme of this, my last child's, wedding seems to be "go big, or go home." Go big on faith. Go big on trust. Go big on love and commitment. Press on. 

A friend said the other day, "You look relaxed." Well, all I can say is, "That's my Jesus."

Weddings, Wakefulness and Whining

I find myself at odds these days. My body and mind begging for downtime. My to do list begging for attention. You know how it is when you have two whiny kids pulling on opposing pant legs voicing their complaints in some sort of dramatic minor-scaled mini-opera? Suddenly your emotions get carried away in the crescendo of it all and you come in with your own dis-harmonizing whine that floats above theirs creating a perfect cacophony of shredded nerves and tears. That is my inner battle today. Well...lately. You see, my beautiful daughter, Monica, is getting married in May to handsome -and wonderful - Danny Porter. And while I'm truly delighted for them, I am also at the end of myself...or so it would seem. (More on that later.) Having planned, helped plan, consulted on, and/or coordinated five weddings in the last three years something in me is balking at the well thought out "wedding task list" that I printed out a few weeks ago. You would think that after all that experience I could jump in with gusto and "get 'er done!" But Self seems to be staging a sit-down strike - with one pant leg firmly in her grasp.  Bleh. Isn't it much more fun to think about all the wonderful things we do in serving the Lord and our families, than to remember - and deal with - all the bad attitudes, trust issues, and whininess that we have to repent of and wade through each time? It's all yuck and I'm stuck...cuz the to do list whiner has the other pant leg.

Then there is the other wedding friend who dropped by last night. Wakefulness. She was expected, but not for a few weeks yet. It seems inevitable - for me at least - that as I lay my head down at night my brain snaps to full alert mode when there's something big looming. "What about this? Who will do that? How on earth will that work?" In terms of a wedding it blossoms into full visualizing of room layouts, wedding attire, buffet tables -and every minute detail that I dare not forget - dancing through my mind like a succession of 30 second YouTube videos...without cool background music. Does this happen to anyone else? Suffice it to say, by 4:15am I gave up,  donned my fleecy robe, and headed for the kitchen. It was 4:15! I was awake and hungry! So there I sat in darkness with my Cheerios and the laptop browsing through Facebook, being reminded of people who needed prayer..."and Lord I know I'm one." "Just a poor wayfaring stranger...." Well, strange, at any rate. 

So now I sit on that same comfy couch with the sun streaming through the window mocking my desire to be sulky and do nothing today. Am I really at the end of myself or will I let Self have her way...again? I'm thinking I've pretty much had it with all the dramatic tension. So I will now remind myself of the strategies I have for shaking her off. The Lord has provided them all.

Truth. His word tells me that "[He] will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in [Him]." (Is 26:3) He planted this verse in my brain nearly ten years ago. He knew I'd need it. Another one came with it, "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." (Ps 73:26) Today my heartand my flesh are failing. It's a two-fer! The Word is full of truth that reminds me of the Lords love for me, His provision for me, His awesome power, and His protection. I learned something many years ago that has become my baseline question in times like these. In my mind it goes something like this: "Ok. That's how you feel, but what does the Word say?" Training my mind back to the truth always brings order to any chaos of operatic proportions. 

Trust. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." (Prov 3:5,6) The Lord burned this one into my heart over twenty years ago and it still challenges me to look beyond what I see and remember that the Lord is high above me in knowledge, thoughts and ability. (Is 55:8,9) I have to choose to turn my eyes, my heart and my will to the Lord in trust. I cannot trust myself. That is well known by me and scores of witnesses. I do not have it in my strength or limited knowledge to accomplish these tasks before me. I have learned that well with all five weddings....and everything that came before and in between them. But the Lord's resources are limitless. I can choose to call upon him, surrender my anxiety and my attitude, and find rest in how He will order all these things. He has directed my path and He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. I can trust Him for my life and for this wedding.

Thankfulness. This one is huge...and hard to remember above the whine. "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." (Phil 4:6,7) It never ceases to amaze me how "counting your blessings," as it were, truly does usher in the power of the Holy Spirit, bringing peace and actually setting a guard against further anxiety. It is easy to leave thankfulness out of my choosing to "not be anxious" and my "prayer" and "petition," but it's kind of like a three-legged stool, wobbly at best. Thankfulness brings a change of mind and of heart. And it brings me to repentance. How could I be such a whiner in the face of all that the Lord has promised, provided, done? He is all of goodness and grace. And I love these two whom He has brought together. I do want to serve them well and help put this wedding together...which in itself celebrates our thankfulness to God. Weddings are a picture of Christ coming for His bride who is dressed in white - made clean by His atonement for sin. How beautiful to celebrate this covenant. 

Weddings, wakefulness, and whining are no match for the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. It's just the truth. I want to live in that place of rest today. "He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty." (Ps 91:1) So now I have remembered the "calmer" of pant-leg clutcher number two. I don't need to whine above her, I need to rest under Him...His shelter, His wing. "Because You are my help, I sing in the shadow of Your wings. My soul clings to You; Your right hand upholds me." (Ps 63:7,8) "I sing in the shadow of Your wings..." I love that visual...and audio. There I am tucked under the Lord's wing singin' away...no matter what is happening around me. I can and must cling to Him, His word, His trustworthiness, His provision. 

I'm pretty sure I wrote an "essay" just like this several months ago. Similar issues, same conclusions, different packaging. There will always be new things that God is calling me to...calling you to. They may be real and excruciating trials, or they may be real, but only painful because Self doesn't want to die and let Life live, and reign, and be victorious. Either way, the choice is there each time. Victory the time before doesn't mean automatic victory this time. It is always a choice. I know what my choice must be and I know that even the strength to do that comes from my gracious Father who, by His divine power, has given me everything I need for life and godliness. (2 Pet 1:3) So, I think I will get off this comfy couch, shake out my pant legs, and start doing a few things around here. One hour of sleep is not so bad. And my list will look so festive with some lovely check marks on it. First on the list? Tuck in and start singing.