Wow, the words are echoing in my mind even as you lay there abandoned to a much needed nap, "I'm not like you, Mom!" Hmm...
You remember how hard track was your freshman year? You'd never done track before. Ever. You weren't even a runner. None of us are runners. But suddenly you felt called to this new adventure...and you went for it! You even persevered at the long jump for many weeks before you switched to the mile. You were tired, slower than most everyone else, and dealing with pain in muscles you didn't know you had. But you kept at it! Spurred on by your teammates and by some unseen inner drive, you continued training week after week. I recall your first race. How awesome it was when you finished. Not placed, but finished. It was an awesome achievement. To go out there in front of that huge crowd knowing that you would not be the fastest...or even close. But you did it. And you made me proud. You did all you could to prepare, and you didn't give up. You just kept on running.
Well, sweet daughter, all of life is that way. You start out slow, and sore, and trying to figure out the proper technique...for this, that, and the other thing. But as awkward as you feel - and truly are - sometimes, you just keep running...pressing on. Some days it's far from pretty. Some days you'll be so sore in heart, mind, and body. Others, completely spent and out of breath despite only having run a little way. Quite often it'll be embarrassing to be in the race at all...and you'll pray that no one saw how badly you did. But then there are times when there's nothing more exhilarating than the feel of the sun on your face, the wind in your hair, and the sweet smell of spring. You'll lean on the Lord and you'll learn your pace and really just how far you can be stretched. Always so much farther than you thought. The Lord has begun a good work in you and He will not give up till He's done...till you're mature, complete, and lacking nothing. But you don't get to chose how that training happens. Therefore, life is hard, but wonderful; insane one moment and joyful the next. Laughter and tears will mingle in worshipful melody. You will stumble and be lifted up. You will grow, yet still fail. And through it all, the Lord will never leave you nor forsake you. Ever.
No, you're not like me. But I was once like you - young and awkward sometimes, not sure what the heck I was doing most of the time. Now I'm old and awkward, and not sure what I'm doing most of the time. But I've learned to be ok with that. I know it doesn't matter what I think I can do...or can't do. God has given me everything I need for life and godliness, and at some point in my early 30s I started choosing to live in that truth. I'd learned a lot of other practical things by then...cooking, cleaning, shopping, budgeting, blah, blah, blah...I'd even been a believer for many years, but running my race with true faith was new. And you know all too well, that even with the faith the Lord has given me, I still get whiny and tired and cranky. But I know without a shadow of a doubt Who will restore me and renew my strength. And in spite of my whiny self, I've learned - from practice and from failing - that He is the One I must always run to. I don't want you to be like me. I want you to be like Him.
So, dear Monica, you will be stretched as you embrace all the practical things that are now coming your way. And you are certainly being stretched spiritually. You will feel tired, and sore, and "done." But that's how training works. Muscles strengthen with opposition. Don't despise the pain. It's giving you stamina. It's building your faith. Keep on running! He's beckoning you to trust Him more than ever. So go for it! Be willing to throw off anything that hinders and run the race marked out for you. The Lord has a story to tell through your life. He will be glorified and you will learn to rest in His goodness. It's gonna be so great! Press on. Embrace Him. Run!
I love you with all my heart,
Mom
