Sometimes there's a restlessness that finds no feet. It's not calmed by more doing...yet it whispers of some vague, undone purpose. And how do I lean my ear to the whispering when there are tasks so numerous? A proper accounting of my life would show that I both forget to listen and fail to do.
Sigh...
How I often envy the discipline of others, but how I also know that living outside the list gives me breath.
I am rambling... Yes.
With purpose? I don't know.
Why give glimpse to my state of mind? Is there any purpose to that?
Does everything need a higher purpose?
My soul says, "Yes." Since childhood I've yearned for the meaning behind the meaning. There is always a higher purpose. The unseen behind the seen.
But I honestly haven't truly made peace with this thing called blogging even though the Unseen has been drawing me to it.
Why be so transparent? Why lay bare the struggle and confusion? Can't I just write when I know there will be a tidy bow on my neatly stacked package of words?
Yet the writing calls.
And time after time I find something...or nothing...to do instead.
I hear Jesus calling, too...and I do come, but I don't show Him the restlessness. Not entirely. Oh, I know He sees it, but that is not the same as my bringing it to Him.
Perhaps I have not determined to be done with it, like the piles of boxes that need sorting and purging in my basement. Perhaps it's because I don't know where to start and I somehow think I need to know where to start...instead of just starting.
Ah...perhaps this applies to the writing and the restlessness.
My feet trapped in a pile of thought...
Yet another recurring theme since childhood.
Can't do that with my feet pinned down. Can't do that if I'm not listening.
So today I'm going to begin a journey in prayer...by praying and by exploring more about prayer. On a friend's recommendation I've picked up A Praying Life: Connecting With God In A Distracting World by Paul Miller.
I've heard it said that it is much easier to steer a car when it's moving. So I'm going to move...so I can hear...and He can steer.
And...perhaps...I'll share some insights along the way.
* * * * * * *
Today, God was nudging. Writing this has been about obedience to Him.
Obedience is not just something else to do, it is a posture of heart. It is an outflow of claiming His lordship, of "claiming" to love Him. Jesus says in John 14:15, "If you love me, keep my commands."
The breath and ability to do this come in the next verses...14:16, 17 "And I will ask the Father, and He will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever - the Spirit of truth."
He calls me to obey. He gives His Spirit that I can obey. And His Spirit brings truth.
Just what my restless heart needs.
did you really start this blog in 09? Yes, yes, and yes to your post. I wait to write too sometimes but if it's your passion that you must press on. a habit, a discipline if you will, but a freedom. no judgement from us here, carry on with your journey and He will give you direction
ReplyDeleteThanks for the encouragement to press on, Lenore. I get bogged down with life quite often. Writing is not the only thing that suffers ... And, no, I did not start the blog till 2012, but uploaded all that I had previously written as Facebook Notes before that time (all while I was getting up the nerve to start a blog). The earlier writings are a huge part of my journey with the Lord & with writing. I wanted them to be included.
Delete