What's On Your Mind?

My mind is not in sync with my good intentions tonight. I went to bed at a decent time, but did not find sleep. With a three week trip to Croatia looming, thoughts of the busy week that has passed, and a wedding to help facilitate when I get back, what I did find was the Miscellaneous file of my sometimes ADD brain. Thoughts, lists, scenarios, toss, turn, hopes, worries, dreams, turn over again. There always comes a time in one of these late-night idea parades that I just give up and get up. Tonight this happened around 1:00AM. So I sit here in the half light of the living room cradling my laptop letting the thoughts roll.

It is hard to fathom that I will be flying across the sea in six days, for in my heart I have already made so many travels these past few weeks. From grief to peace, agitation to calm, from stubborn discontent to acceptance and even thankfulness. Once clenched fists are now open hands ready to receive good and perfect gifts. It is so much better to be in this place. Peace with my Father who always knows what I need. And it seems that I need to be leaving my home and my family just as one child moves across the state, another arrives while I'm gone, and the third works out the details of relocating to another state entirely soon after I get back. What a strange time to take a trip...but I will not be lulled back into my state of depressed disbelief. Can't even give that destination one star. Honestly, don't go there. 

There has been so much to do this last week as I've prepared to leave. Of course that is mostly due to a protracted state of denial. (Ok, I'll quit with the "state" hopping.) Errands, chores, meetings, phone calls, arranging, and re-arranging. It always amazes me how much energy floods in once I open the attitude dam. Forgiveness and grace are good that way. My heart and my house got a good cleaning. The to do list didn't look so ominous once held up to the light. Light heart, light load. Open hands give everything a worship posture. Worshiping rightly, and the right One, as tasks are crossed off one by one. 

I'm especially thankful for the people who have come my way in the midst of all this busyness. Sons, daughters, store clerks, baristas, spouse, parents, aunt, nieces, friends, sisters - by birth or rebirth, and even the wonderful folks at the dentist office (yes, the dentist office).  There was Facebook and face time. Gathering to pray, have coffee, or both. Young women sharing their hearts, opportunities to share mine. Being hosts and being hosted. The marvelous salon morning that morphed into my kitchen salon, three haircuts, and three more great conversations. And I cannot forget the skype dates with Miss Cadence who apparently enjoys sharing mealtime with me...i.e. will miraculously eat the food she was refusing only moments ago if "flat screen gramma" sits up on the counter next to her high chair and talks to her, lets mommy "feed" me her food first, or ad libs some other sort of silliness. These are the things I love to do. If I had to choose between a task and a chance to talk to someone, well, I'm hard-wired to pick the latter. And I have no regrets. 

For the moment, that is all I have to say about any of that. I had originally planned to get up, pull out my notebook, and start jotting down the lists that were running through my head a couple of hours ago. That might have been wiser. I will never know. Instead, I have chosen talk to you as I journal some of my nighttime musings. It does seem to have brought all those floating thoughts down for a landing, so I think I'll give sleep another try. Thanks for listening. It's nice to have someone to talk to in the middle of the night. But before I go it seems only fitting to ask, "What's on your mind?"